Happy 1st Birthday Ashlyn Mae!

Dearest Ashlyn,
I cannot believe it has already been a year, but then when I think back, I really can't remember life without you.  Funny how that works.  We celebrated your birthday this weekend and the entire weekend I was thinking back to the events that unfolded one year ago.  I relived those moments one by one and was flooded with emotions.  You came into this world with such spunk and zest!  Over 6 weeks early, with very little warning!  You spent 23 days in the NICU...some of the hardest days of my life!  Leaving the hospital without you was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  At 4 lbs and 11 ounces you were a fighter!  Breathing on your own after 1 day, off the oxygen in 2 days, free from the IV on day 4, moved to a step-down unit in less than 1 week...you never looked back!  I went back to work after spending 18 weeks with you...another one of the hardest days of my life!  It got easier as everyone said it would, but not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wonder what you are doing and how I can make it work so I can stay home with you and if I am missing out on a "first".  Dropping you off in the hands of a complete stranger for the first time with trust that they will care for you and keep you safe was another VERY tough day!  Visiting specialist after specialist (yes, you have seen several) isn't easy...wondering, worrying and waiting!  But when I think back over this past year, those hard times aren't the ones I remember.  What comes to mind is the love and laughter and joy and happiness and pride and contentment and shear delight you have brought into my world.  When I put you to bed this evening, I rocked you a little longer, I held you a little tighter and I smiled a little bigger.  And yes, a few tears rolled down my cheek as they are while writing you this letter.  The best way I can describe what it feels like to be your mother is summed up in a quote I stole from a very good friend.  It goes like this:

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."-Elizabeth Stone

Ashlyn Mae Wimberly, you are one special little lady.  I am proud to be your mother.  Happy birthday sweet angel.  I love you with all of my heart!

Love & laughter,
Your Mom

I put together this video montage of your first year of life.  I hope one day you will look back and watch this and know how much you are loved!

http://vimeo.com/23515705 (cut and paste this url into your browser to view:)