Oh the guilt!

I am totally not opposed to the occasional swat or spank on the hiney as a method of discipline.  I do think there are lots of other methods, but sometimes...it just has to happen.  This morning was one of those times.  I have only swatted Ashlyn's little hiney twice.  The first time was probably a year ago when she started fighting every.single.diaper.change!  I gave her a little pop, mostly as an attention getter and to let her know that behavior was not acceptable.  It definitely got her attention...but unfortunately did not change the behavior.  And man...the guilt!  Ugh!  This time was no different.  I was trying to help Chance get her ready for school.  She ran into our closet and would not come out.  So I decided ok, we can get dressed in the closet...I can go with this.  I got her to lay down and started to try and change her diaper and she threw a FIT!  Like the almost 2 year old that she is!  Usually I ignore her (infrequent) tantrums but this one involved flailing arms, the limp noodle and kicking!  When one of the kicks landed right in my belly, I swatted her behind!  I immediately felt the sadness rush over me! Why oh why?  I am not opposed to spanking and felt this situation was appropriate for a little attention getter so why did I feel so badly???  I think it bothered me mostly because I did it without really thinking about it and out of frustration.  I don't know, but man did I feel bad.  I scooped her up and explained why I had swatted her bottom and told her that I loved her very much.  I think it got her attention, but again, didn't change the behavior.  I was still having to battle her to get dressed.  Chance took over and got her dressed because I really can't be wrestling around with her right now.  It all leaves me really confused on where I stand with spanking because it didn't change the behavior and left me feeling horribly!  Thankfully Ashlyn is a really sweet girl and these situations are few and far between!